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Friday, 22 September 2017

I Don't Like Modern Dating (Thus Far)



I've been single for well over a year now. Of course, it gets lonely and sometimes I really feel it when my friends are with their partners or even just talk about their partners. I've been more than ready to meet someone new for a while, but the game has changed since the last time I was single.

Before my previous relationship, I was quite happy to play the waiting game. I was never comfortable with dating websites and such and I had much more of a social life than I do now, so I figured that eventually I would stumble across someone that I wanted to be with, which is exactly what happened in 2013 when I was aged 23. Obviously, that relationship broke down last year and here I am, looking for love aged 28.

But BOY is it so much harder now.

As previously mentioned, I had more of a social life four years ago. I was constantly meeting new people and so the idea of of developing a romantic interest didn't seem like such a far out idea. These days, I can't remember the last time I set foot in front of a club and, although I do end up in the pub at some point most weekends, it's usually for a sit down meal in a Wetherspoons with the lads, which is hardly a scenario in which I expect to be approached, or a scenario in which I could approach other people.

After months of knowing I was more than ready to meet someone knew, and months spent fighting with myself internally, I finally downloaded the app that most singletons turn to in 2017 - Tinder. 

I've never ever liked the idea of Tinder. I'm not gonna sugar coat it, I spend A LOT of time around lads, and watching them use the app, judging people mostly based on appearance and basically treating the app like a bit of a joke REALLY put me off using it for a long time. (Before everyone gets their knickers in a twist, I KNOW not all lads use the app for hooking up and I KNOW some girls can be just as bad).

There were other things that I took into consideration. My brother and his girlfriend, who he's been with for 18 months as of writing this, are a Tinder success story. And, to a degree, I feel a little bit like I'm running out of options. So I decided to give it a go.

And I hate it exactly as much as I knew I was going to.

There's is just something so hollow about swiping left and right, hoping that one of these hundreds of guys is going to be the one for you. There's profiles that don't have anything but pictures on them, as if I'm supposed to swipe just because they're good looking. There's profiles that have pictures and just that person's Snapchat handle, which reeks of them seeking nudes rather than relationships. Which, you know, is fine if they're gonna be upfront about what they're after. But I find it really sad that there are more people just up for a bit of fun than their is people who are actually looking for a partner. 

I've managed to match with guys. 11 so far. Six of them started a conversation with me, two stopped replying to me after less than a day. One I didn't reply to because his opening line was awful, two I stopped replying to coz I felt the conversations were stilted and awkward. One I messaged first and he didn't reply to me at all. 

Is this because we're talking through a screen? It's not quite the same as meeting somebody in person and being able to read their tone and body language is it? 

I also downloaded Bumble, which I was told was supposed to be better for women, but I feel the same about that. I've not had any conversations on it thus far, but the swiping and the profiles and everything... it all pretty much feels the same to me. 

The main issue, for me at least, is that there is no element of romance. It's pretty much speed dating through an app, and if we're completely honest, how many of us would actually go physically speed dating? I know I wouldn't.

For me, that very human connection, the spark that we feel when we meet someone by chance, because we both happened to be in the same place at the same time, isn't there. It all feels very forced and, tbh, "I met your Dad on Tinder" is hardly an exciting story to tell your kids is it?

In an ideal world, we would all leave our computers and phones alone and go out there and meet people like our parents and grandparents before us. But for now... I guess I'll just keep swiping.

Has anyone out there had more positive dating experiences recently?

Stacey Rose xx

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